New Year, New Day, Same Hope, Faith and Dreams !

Can't believe that  last date I posted on this blog was June . So many memories been made, days of laughter and tears since then. I stopped blogging for few different reasons. But, the main reason being that I just didn't know how to put into words all the jumbled feelings that I was having. I would sit and stare at the computer screen, wanting so badly to pour out my heart , then would get angry at myself . What did I have to feel sad about..I was not the one in pain, the one that had to endure the terrible healing process of liver surgery. Not the one to once again struggle with the horrors of cancer ! I didn't want to take one moment away from Kylee's healing journey...she is the one that has had to endure it. But my sister said something to me last night that really hit home...She said but Deb, you have a different story to tell. Yes, I do have a story, we all do. Mine is a story of a mother's pain and fear of seeing her child go through the past 2 years battling cancer. ..It's a long story and to many emotions to go into at this time. This blog post is just to give reason to why I have not blogged for months and to encourage all to tell their story. To share is human, we all suffer in one way or another. Sharing makes the suffering easier some how...we all need to believe that we matter. That someone cares, understands or can relate to our lives.
Many people suffer in silence, behind closed doors, alone. They get up in the morning, put on their happy face and lead others to believe that their lives are prefect..Well no ones life is prefect, no person is prefect and we all feel sadness, fear and alone at times... I don't want to feel that way, I don't want you to feel that way..If I open my door , let you see my imperfections, my humanness than maybe it will help others to do the same...
So starting tomorrow, I will be blogging about my 21 day Raw Food Detox journey, fears, sadness, happiness or other emotions that I encounter through my day.. Well maybe not everything :) I am so far from prefect that at times I lose myself in the imperfections!
I'm 52 years old, raised two beautiful daughters, been married for 32 years...Been at my oldest daughters side for past 2 years while she has battled cancer...been too far away from my youngest daughter, lost a job that provided much needed income to my household....which has led to many other changes in my life..BUT...guess what .... I still laugh, love, dream !! Have hope, faith and believe that my story is worth writing...regardless if others read, learn, or dare to tell their story.. I've paid my dues..I am woman now here me Roar :)

Kylee's Rawsome Healing Speech from Dance

Kylee’s Rawsome Healing Speech


June 4th, 2010

Fundraising Dance @ Hilton Gardens





Would like to take a moment to give special thanks to my family.

Jay for putting up with us wild women and loving me thru and thru. April, for always being true to nature, true to herself, inspiring me to be a better person. My Mom, for making things happen and loving so big. My Dad, for not just going along with us strong willed women for many years but, for always willing to learn and try new things along with us.

And Todd, my husband, not so much for your fighting me on certain things , but for being man enough to acknowledge that it’s not about giving in and just doing what I want but being willing to trust me and for staying by my side. You could have turned and walked the other way many times. But you haven’t and I am blessed in knowing that we are in this together. Thank you for being there even when you were uncertain or scared. We will heal together.



Saying thank you simply isn’t enough to express my gratitude. Usually I’m one of many words, always talking. But when I look out at all of you and reflect back on the past five weeks, I’m in awe of the out pouring of love and generosity. Some from those who have known me for years, maybe my whole life, others who have known me for a short time, probably through hockey or Todd, and the rest who don’t even know meat all.



Well. God knows me so well, that he knew without all of you I may not have done the researching, done the hard work and deep searching within to choose this way. That I believe is His way. Many times I’ve had the conversation with Him asking,” Are you sure God?”” It’s not really what I want to do but if this is what you want, what you have willed for me, make it known , PLEASE! And He knows how bad I can be at making decisions and choosing what’s right. He never leaves me in question for long because in those desperate moments of wanting a solid answer I would get a text of encouragement or see a message on facebook. Someone sharing their time, their love, donating, or expressing their support and how cancer has affected their life. Those things taking place were the only answers I needed.



I remember waiting for test results the second time around, only a year after my first diagnosis. This time I wasn’t in a hurry to find out. God knew I needed the time to listen, to hear from others, to hear Him and to see what was taking place around me so that when I made my choice I could state my case boldly and firmly. To stand firm in my convictions if and when others may doubt my choice of treatment. During this time of wonder, I realized that this is about so much more than just me .It’s about reaching out to those who have lived in their thinking that “ ignorance is bliss and what I don’t know won’t hurt me.” I was very much living my life this way until I sat in the doctor’s office and heard that I have cancer. My first response was “I just want more time. But I also had to realize that it wasn’t about getting more time, it needed to be.” what am I going to do with the time I have been given-how am I going to be – who am I going to be in whatever amount of time I am given.. That’s when I wanted to know the truth. I wanted to know more! I wanted to live by knowledge, because knowledge is power and I’d rather be powerful and know the truths, then be ignorant to what is going on around me. I started asking why people getting cancer and other dies-ease are. Why do the things that supposedly kill the cancer make you so sick, killing the good in you? Not only waging war on your organs, but on your mind. So this time around I have made the choice to know everything I can, to find the truth and toe end the suffering. Not from cancer, but from the chemo and radiation I endured. I now choose to know and I choose to change.

There is a saying that my mom has been inspired by, “Be the Change you want to see in the world.” That’s what this is really all about. This is what I am setting out to do! My destiny, I have questioned for a long time. It is my responsibility to grab it and put it to work. Everything is possible for he who believes! If or when there are days I’m tied or weak, I will be reminded of this night, this weekend and all of you and I will KEEP ON!! I will be praying for each of you that I do not gain from this journey alone, but that each of you and your families will use my experiences with cancer and my healing journey and make it your own. We all have a story and I can’t wait to one day hear yours. God is working something so divine right now and I pray you grab it with both hands always is a part of what you all helped to create!! God Bless You All and KEEP ON!!

Strength/Faith/ Belief/ Hope/ Love

For every dollar, auction item you donate on, every prayer, donation of goods and services/ every hope and dream is giving her the chance to BE!! To be a Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend....!

Because of you , she will heal, and pay forward the healing. As her Mom, my dream for her to heal, so that when her battle is won, with her, my daughter April, and all of you by myside. We can together change more than just her life, we can change many !!! Today, what you are doing for my precious child, you are also doing for the future of her precious children. This will never be forgotten, nor will it stop here...My mission for the rest of my days, are to form a foundation . A foundation that will give your mother, your child, or spouse, or friend the chose to seek alternative healing. Please know that you have all given our family strength, faith,belief, hope and we can't say thank you enough !!

Gentle Man

This post is dedicated to a wonderful father, friend and husband ! My girls and are I are such lucky women.
We have been blessed with a man in our lives that is always there, even when you don't know he is. His quiet , gentle presense felt by all of us. He is a man of very few words, but his smile and laughter say more than words . When our girls were growing up, he never had to be pleaded with to play outside with them, he always put them first. He never demanded they be the best, he supported them in what ever their dreams were. He loved them for who they were, and always encouraged them in what ever they did.. He never pushed them to be the best , in order to make him shine ..he just gentley guided them to find their own shinning star.. they both always knew that dad was there cheering them on, crying tears of pride when they won blue ribbons in the horse show, slid in to home plate, made a speech about woman's rights in front of a crowed room, when his little horse lover spend hours in frezzing cold lugging hay and water buckets...
He never complained about dents and dings in car, that know one knew how they got there :) or the house full of noise, bathroom he could never use, buying the wants ,that he really didn't have the money to buy..
No, is a dad that just gentley and quitley stood by, letting them know, that he was always by their side..

He is my husband, best friend . He brings me back to where I need to be.. When I rant, rave and see only the dark. All I need do is feel his gentle breeze , to bring me back to me.. He does not ask for attention, nor to be in the spotlight.He does not ask that I be a perfect housewife, beauty queen, he always loves and supports me even when I know that he may disagree...

He  is my husband, a true GENTLE -MAN and brings me to the quiet safe place where I'm always loved, safe and able to rest my weary soul...

I love you my gentle-man , thank you for letting me fly ..!

I Love You

Been few weeks since my last post and I'm so Happy to say , that I've been too busy to do so !!
Over the two weeks my life has been a whirlwind of joy! Never in my life have I experienced such love, human compassion and kindness, as I have over the past two weeks...From the beginning my blog has expressed my deep desire for healing. Healing for my daughter, our planet, our communities and for the human race... Well, our planet is still in great pain, more and more destruction daily. The oil spill that is going to effect so many lives, destruction that will touch all our lives. Our communities are still filled with homeless, sick, hungry,lonely and lost souls.The human race is still running trying to catch up with yesterday, while never having the time to enjoy today.. There is still corruption, greed, crime and headlines flashing daily with horrible deeds done to another. I may be seen as someone that lives in a little world of my own, la-la land is what some would label it..Hm mm...well you know la-la land is much happier place to be then and blah -blah land :) Because you know what? I have experienced a world over the past few weeks that many many would give anything to live in..
My little world has grown bigger and faster than I could of ever dreamt.. It started with my commitment to the healing of my daughter.. to help her receive the healing that insurance won't pay for.. When I first en counted the dollar amount that we would need to come up with .I was frightened, angry and did not know how we would ever be able to get her to the Gerson Clinic. I have not once lost faith or belief in the knowledge that this time around , her only true way to complete healing was to heal body, mind and spirit..
To detox, and nourish her body with organic foods, juices, and supplements that her body so badly needs.
I feel this as strongly as , I feel that chemo , radiation are not the answer...How can a body with dis-ease be made healthy with more chemicals and toxins...
The day she told me that her CT scan showed a spot on her liver, and the doctors were concerned, was the day I was unable to keep hidden the anger and fear that was in my heart... Anger that she had to go through this, anger that anyone had to suffer so with a dis-ease that for over 100 years billions and billions of dollars have been spent. Spent on research for a cure! Well here we are and still no cure, and millions of dollars still being raised , not for cures, but for more drugs . Anger because there is no money raised for natural healing, for organic foods, reiki, massage, de-tox ....for people that want to try another way...Its very important that there are drugs and research as they have helped save many lives. I have been very grateful for some of those drugs and medical doctors . But, after seeing what chemo did to my child and her cancer may now be in her liver...I just can't close my eyes and let that happen again...How can her liver that is already toxic , heal when being pumped full of chemo?
Well!!! The day I got that news ,my emotions roared out like a wounded lion....
Two weeks later I'm still roaring , but not from wounds. But from love, hope and the unwavering conviction that my daughter is going to heal...completely heal, and that she is going to heal with love, nourishment, nature, and with Gods Healing Foods...
The most beautiful souls have been sent to her by God , to assist us in getting her the healing she so needs and deserves. I know that many do not believe in her healing path, nor does she or I pass judgement on them. No one knows what they would do, unless they have walked in her shoes, felt what she has felt, cried like she's cried. And no mother on this earth knows what they would do until they walk in my shoes, to see their child go through what she did, to hear her cry, to wipe away her tears and try to sooth her fears!!!!
SO from the bottom of my heart I say thank you to all of you that support and love my daughter. For giving our whole family hope. We do not ask that you believe, just that you believe in her, her love for life, family , God and that she will pay the healing forward !!! For any that do not support her path taken, I understand.. It is always scary to take the path less traveled ..But none of us should ever have to travel any path alone...
Sending love to all on this Beautiful Night

Beautiful Day

Sunday Blessings

Todd, Kylee, Joey and Jessie
Was great day playing at play ground with Joey and Jessie, while Ky played hockey,with Todd cheering her on