Thursday, March 11, 2010

Baby Steps ,Learning to Walk Before I Can Run

The sun is shinning,freshly brewed coffee and day off! So many wonders I strive to accomplish today!Yesterday is gone,tomorrow yet to be seen,today a vision from all my yesterdays . My last blog turned into a mural of visions,heartache,hope,love ,faith and deep longing to light a fire in others. The moment I hit the publish button I was overtaken with regret and fear. Questions like flames shooting though my mind. How would others interpet my words? Did I give the impression of being an angry,sad,unhappy person? That evening found me tossing ,turning. Lights on ,reading ,to lighs off till I feel asleep drained from blogging panic.

With the dawn of a new day, sounds of my husband packing up his lunch,brewing coffee, and other routine tasks to beginning the day. Watching him, nothing from my blog post had shattered him,no twenty questions concerning my unhappiness. Deep breath taken, sky not falling,no number to therapist left on kitchen table.

Starting a Happiness Project has nothing to do with being Unhappy. We all define Happiness in different ways. Happiness to me is a palette of colors, being in charge of the paint brush. Excepting my true self, forgiving myself if one day my Happiness is a different color,as well as the days when the canvas is blank. The blank days are the hardest for me and cause the set in of doubts and fears to dictate my actions,or rather inactions. I titled todays blog "Baby Steps, Learning to Walk Before I Can Run," as that is the down fall of  so many blank canvas's in our attic's.  One day I feel like Opah, the next a Doctor Phil project. I start everything and never finish anything! My coffee table covered with books, music, crayons, journals, empty scrapbooks and late night munchie crumbs ( the wine glass not mine.)

No longer am I willing to live an unfinshished life, staring at blank canvas's. I may totally fail  with this Happiness Project, but I will finish it. My deepest desire is that many will join me, regardless, I've read and seen enough to know that " One Can Make a Difference." Really watch a baby learning to walk, slowly one foot in front of the other, smiling ,laughing. They stumble,get bruised and cry, but they always get back up.Do we call that baby a failure because it may of taken months for them to learn to run? Ya Ha! From the moment I learned to run, I forgot how to walk....

Happiness Project , Day One...

Pick one small baby step you can take TODAY.. not tomorrow, or this weekend , but TODAY..
My baby step is to clean off my coffee table.... lay out a large blank poster board , write the words Happiness Project on it.. get up and walk slowly though my day...


6 comments:

Laurie at The Turner Farm said...

Wonderful post! We all have our own coffee table, one that we must tackle. Thank you for sharing some motivation for me to declutter mine. Loving your journey. Must go back and read the post that left you sleepless?!?
ENJOY this day!

Laurie at The Turner Farm said...

Beautiful post! You are doing an awesome job with this blog Debbie, look forward to each and every post. Loving it!

Dan said...

What a gift...thank you so much for sharing this blog with me. For my baby step today I am going to tke them time to read each entry slowly and carefully, savoring each as an individual gift and nourishment for my being.

ALVN of WhisperWood Cottage and Junkologie said...

I've felt that way before when I've published a post that expressed very personal feelings. No need to fear...your words were beautiful and authentic...just as in today's post.

S. Turner said...

Aunt Debbie, this blog is FANTASTIC!! It's so wonderful to read about uncle joe's and your passion to become a healthier person physically, mentally, and spiritually. It's such an inspiration! I'm so thankful you share!

ADO said...

Really, really fabulous! It is hard to boil things down to baby steps though...I just want to do alot of things NOW!
I went to a lecture yesterday, given by Zev Myrowitz, He used Eastern medicine in conjunction with western medicine to treat his son's cancer.Really interesting. I even tried Qi Gong (spelling?)...very cool. My baby step is to try to do the short routine he taught us...daily